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I’m not a Premium My Fishing Buddies Call Me Daddy Vintage Shirt, I went to repair one that came with the house, approximately 20 years old. Went something like this within weeks of moving in, and this is the abridged version: Fuse block caught fire and melted, implicated a bad pump tripping it. $2 for the new fuse.Replaced main pump, $315.Blower literally exploded minutes after I restarted tub, with shrapnel and black smoke. Squirrel had stashed a pound of acorns in the intake. $94 to replace. Heater refused to come on, low-flo code. Bought new cartridge filter, $50.Still throwing low-flo code. Suspected flow sensor. Took a week hunting it down by part number, ended up talking to an engineer who designed it originally. He offered his company’s laboratory calibration services for around $2k. I told him I was a redneck and he whispered to me to twist the adjustment potentiometer three turns clockwise and it’ll put me in the right PSI range. $6.

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As it was snowing outside, the tub sprung a Premium My Fishing Buddies Call Me Daddy Vintage Shirt. Shut it down, drained it, hoped it would survive winter. At spring, discovered a squirrel had gotten inside the enclosure and chewed up a few hoses, then froze to death clutching a 3″ pipe for warmth. Took three hours to jack up the 800 lb shell to be able to see that. Rebuilt the shell, $150 in lumber. Leak still there, but not so fast. I spent the year mostly just topping it off every few days. Replaced the nasty, heavy, weather-beaten cover, $420 with a $160 hydraulic lifter for easier use. Best investment ever, so much lighter to open/close. Forgot to unlatch newly installed cover latches in the back, $10 replacement. Leak sped up, by winter, I was filling it up every other day, then every day. Heat failed after the water level dropped before weir and fuse blew, I drained it, waited for spring.

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We had a Premium My Fishing Buddies Call Me Daddy Vintage Shirt, like one that you hook a hose up to. As soon as I turned it on, water in the basement. So I shut off all the water in the house and called a plumber at like 7 at night. Dude came, looked at it for 30 seconds, cut a small hole in the ceiling, and capped the leak so we could at least use water, until they could come fix it during normal business hours. This all took him maybe 15 minutes. It was like 200 bucks but I could have spent 6 hours, may figure it out, maybe not, probably needed 3 trips to the hardware store, and between that and the amount of scotch I would have drank, I probably broke even. I broke a brand new toilet once because I overtightened the bolts in the tank. Just a hairline crack but enough to ruin it. Unless it’s some caulking, Teflon, or a faucet, I’m calling a professional.

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